But for now I have an infinite amount of intimate little moments in songs that remind me of home. Maybe one day I will have a finite and tactile place to call home. However, there are songs that bring me back to moments in time lyrics that take to places that no longer stand bass lines that conjure up car rides and melodies that lay truth to my sense of belonging.
There is no one singular place that I can describe as belonging to. In my life, there is no pure definition of home. But I really wasn't presented with any other options. I was just pretending to have a place that I could call home and I didn't want to anymore.
I wasn't from Houston, but I was no longer from New Orleans either. I felt like I was just pretending to be from New Orleans. Sure I was born in New Orleans and partially raised there, but I was losing almost all connection to the place. Every time we went back home, it didn't feel like home. Instead it was the lyrics, "wonder why, wonder why, wonder why / why must we pretend," that always rang true. The Kid LAROI: I cant play that song cause it reminds me of you. Told you that I loved you, girl, I wasnt lyin to you. If you ever needed me, girl, I was flyin to you. No, I cant get high, cause it reminds me of you. Fightin for my heart and baby, I aint never lose. It wasn't the thesis of the song that got me. Told you that I loved you, girl, I wasnt lyin to you. My parents went from arguing a lot to not speaking at all during my youth, and now the song represents a home that was broken before it even began. But outside of the noise and fun, it remains a grim reminder of my broken and dysfunctional family life. The song sounds exactly like the city it represents: loud and boisterous on the surface, unexpectedly slow in some parts and repetitive enough to inspire participation, down to the call and response section in the middle. "Choppa Style" was played everywhere in my pre-Katrina childhood-on the radio and at every function. Songs became reflections of the homes-or lack thereof-I had. But when Hurricane Katrina changed the space wherein I listened to music, my relationship with it changed. To this day I prefer listening to music by myself with headphones in. There was nothing more powerful to me than listening to music on my own creating a personal relationship with the notes, bars, melodies and words spoken without influence from others. It was my favorite and most used gift at the time, despite having to hold it a certain angle to avoid skipping songs.
#Songs that remind me of you portable#
One Christmas, maybe a year or two before Hurricane Katrina, I was gifted a portable CD player and the Black Eyed Peas album Monkey Business.
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